Friday, November 12, 2010

how i'm changing...

My whole life, I have always hated olives and pineapples. Today, I purchased a small bowl of fruit and then realized it was full of pinapple. My normal reaction would be to pick around the pineapple, but I decided to try again. To my surprise, I didn't react in disgust, I actually loved it.

Oddly enough, if it scared me to realize I now like pineapples and sent me into a bit of a crisis. I feel it is simply a physical manifestation of all of the internal changes occuring in my life. My view of religion, life, school, and values has shifted and continues to evolve at a pace that is frightening.

Throughout my life I have enjoyed my stability, even it at times it was a false perception. It was something to cling to, something to possess, something I could be proud of. I felt my views on the world and life were unshakable, but now I feel like I am in a nauseating free-fall.

While writing this entry, all I keep thinking of Josh's impression of Ben Stiller in Zoolander, when he look in the mirror and asks "who am I?" with a longing expression. That is one of my favorite Josh impressions, it always makes me laugh.

But I thinking I need to do a bit of soul searching myself. I regularly need to take inventory of my internal world. That way perhaps I can avoid this whole crisis, when I discover that I do really like olives as well...

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